Dearest Rachel,
Why do you prepetrate the lie that I spent all my time crying? You were there. You saw. You know it isn't true.
Also, what's this invented nonsense about me being destined to marry Eisav? When in the Torah do you see cousins being matched up that way? It never happened, and until we met by the Jabbok river, I had never even heard of Esav, (but what a nice guy he turned out to be giving Yaakov, what Shimon Bar Yochai called a real and genuine hug.)
You, Rachel, were never ever that nice to me, and all I stole from you was a guy. Yaakov, on the other hand, took his siblings birthright And Esva forgave him all the same.
Let me explain why the Midrash said I was a crybaby. It is because the word rakos is weird. The Midrash doesn't like weird words, preferring a smooth and non-confusing text, so the great Rabbis of the midrash darshaned a solution. Mazal Tov. It's a nice vort but I am here today to tell you that it isn't necessary the truth, no matter what Morah Sarah taught you in pre-1A (and thank goodness to DovBear and Samsom Repahael Hirsh for setting the record straight!)
Love your big sister, who had SIX count 'em SIX sons.
Leah, Wife of Jacob, etc.
Leah, Mother of Six Sons
Wednesday
Tuesday
Sarah Enters the Fray
Kinderlach, kinderlach, please don’t argue. After all my grandson Yaakov had his hand full with the both of you. You should have appreciated everything he did for you. Leah my kiynd, those children should have kept you busy, why were you “going out” so much; and Dina followed in your footsteps. You see what happened. Rachel my kiynd, now you are crying for all your grandchildren who are lost on the way. Now you know what crying means. But my taireh maidela your day is coming when your dear Yosef who once saved your kinderlach from the Mitzriim will return as our long-awaited Moshiach ben Yosef and finally bring us all back to our Father Above.
Listen to the wisdom of your Bubby.
Bubby, Sarah Imeinu | | Email | 12.01.06 - 12:21 pm | #
Listen to the wisdom of your Bubby.
Bubby, Sarah Imeinu | | Email | 12.01.06 - 12:21 pm | #
Monday
Rachel spits back
You, Rachel, were never ever that nice to me, and all I stole from you was a guy.
How ungrateful of you. Could you imagine the shame and embarresment had I not shared with you the "secret codes"? And it was I who took care of Daddy's sheep, while you stayed at home. Yes, it was I who met him at the well, and then you dare steal him from me?!?
Yaakov, on the other hand, took his siblings birthright
That monstrous lentil fresser didn't deserve it.
And Esva forgave him all the same.
Silly, did you see with how much Yakkov bribed his idiot brother?
Let me explain why the Midrash said I was a crybaby. It is because the word rakos is weird. The Midrash doesn't like weird words, preferring a smooth and non-confusing text, so the great Rabbis of the midrash darshaned a solution. Mazal Tov. It's a nice vort.
Its a true one also. That's why you didn't take Daddy's sheep out. You were too embarressed to be seen like that.
Love your big sister, who had SIX count 'em SIX sons.
Ha! They all came bowing like humble slaves to my Yosse'le.
Rochel
How ungrateful of you. Could you imagine the shame and embarresment had I not shared with you the "secret codes"? And it was I who took care of Daddy's sheep, while you stayed at home. Yes, it was I who met him at the well, and then you dare steal him from me?!?
Yaakov, on the other hand, took his siblings birthright
That monstrous lentil fresser didn't deserve it.
And Esva forgave him all the same.
Silly, did you see with how much Yakkov bribed his idiot brother?
Let me explain why the Midrash said I was a crybaby. It is because the word rakos is weird. The Midrash doesn't like weird words, preferring a smooth and non-confusing text, so the great Rabbis of the midrash darshaned a solution. Mazal Tov. It's a nice vort.
Its a true one also. That's why you didn't take Daddy's sheep out. You were too embarressed to be seen like that.
Love your big sister, who had SIX count 'em SIX sons.
Ha! They all came bowing like humble slaves to my Yosse'le.
Rochel
Sunday
How ungrateful of you. Could you imagine the shame and embarresment had I not shared with you the "secret codes"? And it was I who took care of Daddy's sheep, while you stayed at home. Yes, it was I who met him at the well, and then you dare steal him from me?!?
I didn't steal him from you. Daddy thought it was best for me to maary him first. And don't give me any jive about secret codes. Your friends among the Sages invented that one, too. Look at the verses. Our case is a direct parralel to how Yaakov tricked Yitzchak. There were no codes them - Yitzchak was fooled because he was blind - and there were no codes with use either (Yaakov was fooled because it was dark.)
Yaakov, on the other hand, took his siblings birthright
That monstrous lentil fresser didn't deserve it.
Says you. Our sainted father-in-law seemed to think he had some good in him. And the Sages did too (at least the ones who lived before Rome did)
And Esva forgave him all the same.
Silly, did you see with how much Yakkov bribed his idiot brother?
It was just a gift. Yaakov, in his later life, was such a suck-up. The man I married was a wrestler, a fighter, but after that emasculating meeting with Esav he became such a wimp. Reuven stole his concubine, Shimon and Levi over ruled his authority and attacked Shkem. Etc. Not the man I married at all.
Let me explain why the Midrash said I was a crybaby. It is because the word rakos is weird. The Midrash doesn't like weird words, preferring a smooth and non-confusing text, so the great Rabbis of the midrash darshaned a solution. Mazal Tov. It's a nice vort.
Its a true one also. That's why you didn't take Daddy's sheep out. You were too embarressed to be seen like that.
No, I stayed home because I was [a good proper bas yisroel. Unlike you]. Lavan had sons. Why didn't they take the sheep out? Why did you run to play with the shepherds? And I bet you liked it when Yaakov kissed you EVEN BEOFRE YOUR FIRST DATE. What a zona you are.
Love your big sister, who had SIX count 'em SIX sons.
Ha! They all came bowing like humble slaves to my Yosse'le.
At least my precious sons didn't have to sit in jail, or live like a goy in Egypt.
Leah,
MOTHER OF ISRAEL
PS: I didn't cry over Esav, because I had no idea the guy even existed. Cousins don't get married off like that. It never happened anywhere else in the whole Torah (and even if this strange one of a kind deal was planned, once Esav married TWICE the deal was off!)To sum up: My eyes were hot, not tender. And Rachel, my little whiny man-stealing sister was a zona.
I didn't steal him from you. Daddy thought it was best for me to maary him first. And don't give me any jive about secret codes. Your friends among the Sages invented that one, too. Look at the verses. Our case is a direct parralel to how Yaakov tricked Yitzchak. There were no codes them - Yitzchak was fooled because he was blind - and there were no codes with use either (Yaakov was fooled because it was dark.)
Yaakov, on the other hand, took his siblings birthright
That monstrous lentil fresser didn't deserve it.
Says you. Our sainted father-in-law seemed to think he had some good in him. And the Sages did too (at least the ones who lived before Rome did)
And Esva forgave him all the same.
Silly, did you see with how much Yakkov bribed his idiot brother?
It was just a gift. Yaakov, in his later life, was such a suck-up. The man I married was a wrestler, a fighter, but after that emasculating meeting with Esav he became such a wimp. Reuven stole his concubine, Shimon and Levi over ruled his authority and attacked Shkem. Etc. Not the man I married at all.
Let me explain why the Midrash said I was a crybaby. It is because the word rakos is weird. The Midrash doesn't like weird words, preferring a smooth and non-confusing text, so the great Rabbis of the midrash darshaned a solution. Mazal Tov. It's a nice vort.
Its a true one also. That's why you didn't take Daddy's sheep out. You were too embarressed to be seen like that.
No, I stayed home because I was [a good proper bas yisroel. Unlike you]. Lavan had sons. Why didn't they take the sheep out? Why did you run to play with the shepherds? And I bet you liked it when Yaakov kissed you EVEN BEOFRE YOUR FIRST DATE. What a zona you are.
Love your big sister, who had SIX count 'em SIX sons.
Ha! They all came bowing like humble slaves to my Yosse'le.
At least my precious sons didn't have to sit in jail, or live like a goy in Egypt.
Leah,
MOTHER OF ISRAEL
PS: I didn't cry over Esav, because I had no idea the guy even existed. Cousins don't get married off like that. It never happened anywhere else in the whole Torah (and even if this strange one of a kind deal was planned, once Esav married TWICE the deal was off!)To sum up: My eyes were hot, not tender. And Rachel, my little whiny man-stealing sister was a zona.
Thursday
Leah, on her behavior
Sorry, she's the one playing with shepherds and kissing strangers, but I'm the one who "went out too much?" -- Leah
Saturday
Rochel replies
Sorry, she's the one playing with shepherds and kissing strangers,
You're just jealous cause no one wants to kiss you.
but I'm the one who "went out too much?"
A gross understatement. It was your Dina'la who "went out" just like you and you know the rest...
Rochel 12.01.06 - 12:56 pm #
You're just jealous cause no one wants to kiss you.
but I'm the one who "went out too much?"
A gross understatement. It was your Dina'la who "went out" just like you and you know the rest...
Rochel 12.01.06 - 12:56 pm #
Monday
And pours on the bile
I didn't steal him from you. Daddy thought it was best for me to maary him first.
I knew you had no confidence. I accuse you of stealing my boy, and you blame it on Daddy.
And don't give me any jive about secret codes. Your friends among the Sages invented that one, too. Look at the verses. Our case is a direct parralel to how Yaakov tricked Yitzchak. There were no codes them - Yitzchak was fooled because he was blind - and there were no codes with use either (Yaakov was fooled because it was dark.)
Of course you're denying the codes. You're daddy's daughter after all.
Says you. Our sainted father-in-law seemed to think he had some good in him. And the Sages did too (at least the ones who lived before Rome did)
Of course he had "some" good in him. Or Aunt Rivka would have never allowed him to keep his coat in her house.
It was just a gift. Yaakov, in his later life, was such a suck-up.
A gift?!? Gosh. "Ki Hashochad Ye'aver" must really be true.
The man I married was a wrestler, a fighter, but after that emasculating meeting with Esav he became such a wimp.
That's what happens when you start up with gods angels.
Reuven stole his concubine,
And paid dearly for it.
Shimon and Levi over ruled his authority and attacked Shkem. Etc. Not the man I married at all.
Shame on you. While you were blogging "Chilul Hashem!" They took revenge for your daughters sake.
No, I stayed home because I was proper bas yisroel. unlike you.
There you go again, insulting me as usual.
Lavan had sons. Why didn't they take the sheep out?
'cause they were busy pirating their stolen Gods.
Why did you run to play with the shepherds?
Those b*st*rds. They made me wait for hours to drink the sheep.
And I bet you liked it when Yaakov kissed you EVEN BEOFRE YOUR FIRST DATE.
J-E-A-L-O-U-S.
What a zona you are.
Rather a whore than a cheat.
Rochel
I knew you had no confidence. I accuse you of stealing my boy, and you blame it on Daddy.
And don't give me any jive about secret codes. Your friends among the Sages invented that one, too. Look at the verses. Our case is a direct parralel to how Yaakov tricked Yitzchak. There were no codes them - Yitzchak was fooled because he was blind - and there were no codes with use either (Yaakov was fooled because it was dark.)
Of course you're denying the codes. You're daddy's daughter after all.
Says you. Our sainted father-in-law seemed to think he had some good in him. And the Sages did too (at least the ones who lived before Rome did)
Of course he had "some" good in him. Or Aunt Rivka would have never allowed him to keep his coat in her house.
It was just a gift. Yaakov, in his later life, was such a suck-up.
A gift?!? Gosh. "Ki Hashochad Ye'aver" must really be true.
The man I married was a wrestler, a fighter, but after that emasculating meeting with Esav he became such a wimp.
That's what happens when you start up with gods angels.
Reuven stole his concubine,
And paid dearly for it.
Shimon and Levi over ruled his authority and attacked Shkem. Etc. Not the man I married at all.
Shame on you. While you were blogging "Chilul Hashem!" They took revenge for your daughters sake.
No, I stayed home because I was proper bas yisroel. unlike you.
There you go again, insulting me as usual.
Lavan had sons. Why didn't they take the sheep out?
'cause they were busy pirating their stolen Gods.
Why did you run to play with the shepherds?
Those b*st*rds. They made me wait for hours to drink the sheep.
And I bet you liked it when Yaakov kissed you EVEN BEOFRE YOUR FIRST DATE.
J-E-A-L-O-U-S.
What a zona you are.
Rather a whore than a cheat.
Rochel
Friday
Rochel on Esav
Don't you know that my evil BIL took a third wife at 40 years old to make believe he's a frummer?
Like the closet Kofrim who go to shul friday night with a T-shirt under their Bekesheh, then they tell their wives they're going "Tzu Ah Zuchor", then they pack the shtreimel and Bekesheh in the locker room and take the D train?
And what makes you think that Esov wasn't going to marry Leah? Don't you think that he would of blindly trusted Dovbear that Leah was pretty when I know the truth that she cried her eyes out?
Rochel
Like the closet Kofrim who go to shul friday night with a T-shirt under their Bekesheh, then they tell their wives they're going "Tzu Ah Zuchor", then they pack the shtreimel and Bekesheh in the locker room and take the D train?
And what makes you think that Esov wasn't going to marry Leah? Don't you think that he would of blindly trusted Dovbear that Leah was pretty when I know the truth that she cried her eyes out?
Rochel
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