How ungrateful of you. Could you imagine the shame and embarresment had I not shared with you the "secret codes"? And it was I who took care of Daddy's sheep, while you stayed at home. Yes, it was I who met him at the well, and then you dare steal him from me?!?

I didn't steal him from you. Daddy thought it was best for me to maary him first. And don't give me any jive about secret codes. Your friends among the Sages invented that one, too. Look at the verses. Our case is a direct parralel to how Yaakov tricked Yitzchak. There were no codes them - Yitzchak was fooled because he was blind - and there were no codes with use either (Yaakov was fooled because it was dark.)

Yaakov, on the other hand, took his siblings birthright
That monstrous lentil fresser didn't deserve it.

Says you. Our sainted father-in-law seemed to think he had some good in him. And the Sages did too (at least the ones who lived before Rome did)

And Esva forgave him all the same.
Silly, did you see with how much Yakkov bribed his idiot brother?

It was just a gift. Yaakov, in his later life, was such a suck-up. The man I married was a wrestler, a fighter, but after that emasculating meeting with Esav he became such a wimp. Reuven stole his concubine, Shimon and Levi over ruled his authority and attacked Shkem. Etc. Not the man I married at all.

Let me explain why the Midrash said I was a crybaby. It is because the word rakos is weird. The Midrash doesn't like weird words, preferring a smooth and non-confusing text, so the great Rabbis of the midrash darshaned a solution. Mazal Tov. It's a nice vort.

Its a true one also. That's why you didn't take Daddy's sheep out. You were too embarressed to be seen like that.

No, I stayed home because I was [a good proper bas yisroel. Unlike you]. Lavan had sons. Why didn't they take the sheep out? Why did you run to play with the shepherds? And I bet you liked it when Yaakov kissed you EVEN BEOFRE YOUR FIRST DATE. What a zona you are.

Love your big sister, who had SIX count 'em SIX sons.
Ha! They all came bowing like humble slaves to my Yosse'le.

At least my precious sons didn't have to sit in jail, or live like a goy in Egypt.


PS: I didn't cry over Esav, because I had no idea the guy even existed. Cousins don't get married off like that. It never happened anywhere else in the whole Torah (and even if this strange one of a kind deal was planned, once Esav married TWICE the deal was off!)To sum up: My eyes were hot, not tender. And Rachel, my little whiny man-stealing sister was a zona.

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