Leah takes off the gloves

Dearest Rachel,

Why do you prepetrate the lie that I spent all my time crying? You were there. You saw. You know it isn't true.

Also, what's this invented nonsense about me being destined to marry Eisav? When in the Torah do you see cousins being matched up that way? It never happened, and until we met by the Jabbok river, I had never even heard of Esav, (but what a nice guy he turned out to be giving Yaakov, what Shimon Bar Yochai called a real and genuine hug.)

You, Rachel, were never ever that nice to me, and all I stole from you was a guy. Yaakov, on the other hand, took his siblings birthright And Esva forgave him all the same.

Let me explain why the Midrash said I was a crybaby. It is because the word rakos is weird. The Midrash doesn't like weird words, preferring a smooth and non-confusing text, so the great Rabbis of the midrash darshaned a solution. Mazal Tov. It's a nice vort but I am here today to tell you that it isn't necessary the truth, no matter what Morah Sarah taught you in pre-1A (and thank goodness to DovBear and Samsom Repahael Hirsh for setting the record straight!)

Love your big sister, who had SIX count 'em SIX sons.

Leah, Wife of Jacob, etc.
Leah, Mother of Six Sons

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